Cinta lalu

Sekarang baru kau rasa keberadaan aku setelah semua usai dan aku menyerah........

kamu takkan pernah mendapatkan cinta
cinta seperti yang aku berikan kepada kamu
kamu nanti pasti kan menyadarinya
saat aku tak lagi ada

kamu takkan pernah tahu betapa aku
memuja kamu seperti ku memuja dewa cinta
kamu nanti pasti kan menyadarinya
saat aku tak lagi ada

cinta ini cinta yang tak perlu
mendapatkan balasan cinta
meski hatiku perih

menahan cinta yang terluka
cinta yang buatku bertahan
meski ada air mata

Senja

Saat itu kutinggalkan senja yang jingga
Aku takut gelap maka kudatangi siang
Siang membuatku hangat walau kadang perih
Saat ini kembali kulihat senja di depanku

Jauh sudah tapak ku melangkah dia akan tetap di depanku
Mengahadangku dengan warnanya yang mistik
Kadang aku berlari tapi lebih bayak tersungkur
Menghindarinya.....menghindari senja

Senja mengelilingi dengan rapat
Mencengkram erat tanganku dengan ketat
Mau tak mau aku harus melewati
Setiap senjaku yang abadi
dan tak bisa berlari....lagi

Disappear

Semalam begitu sedih..mencoba menahan semua keinginan yang tak bertepi


If I beg and if I cry
Would it change the sky tonight?
Will it give me sunlight?
Should I wait for you to call?
Is there any hope at all?
Are you drifting by...

When I think about it
I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then you disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)

And then I lie all by myself
I see your face, I hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed
If its good it's got to last
It feels so right

When I think about it
I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then you disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(Disappear, disappear, disappear)
You, you disappear

I missed all the signs, one at a time....
You were ready
What did I know?
Starting our lives....
Now my love, I'm ready to shine

When I think about it
I know that I was never held or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then you disappear
You disappear, you disappear
You disappear, disappear

2 garis merah

Tadi pagi di FB ada yg mamerin tespeknya dengan 2 garis merah. Gak ada angin gak ada hujan kenapa gw jadi nangis ya?...pan gw dah tahu gak akan kesampaian punya yg kayak gitu. ya...ya dalam pikiran gw juga selalu muncul tar ada keajaiban dan bla..bla lainnya....hiks sedih...just know i'am woman but not mommy.......buang jauh keinginan itu selamanyaa.......

Sepi

6 tahun lalu hidup aku di kelilingi sepi...sepi yang tak bisa aku gambarkan menghancurkan bathin dan pikiranku...efek semua itu aku sakit yang bermacam obat di masukkan tapi kesembuhan tak juga ada....aku tahu hidup aku seperti kaca, salah melangkah akan fatal dan membuat hancur hidupku.

Kesepian dan kesenyapan jadi temanku...........

Aku tidak bisa menggambarkan kesepian itu menjadi begitu menakutkanku. Sepi itu seperti teman yang mengawasi setiap gerakkan ku hingga aku merasa sesak dan ingin segera keluar. Aku bahkan tidak betah di rumah yang aku buat senyaman mungkin. Semakin berada di keramaian semakin membuat aku tenang. Setiap jam aku harus pulang ke rumah menjadi perjalanan yang membuat aku tersiksa

Ketika akhirnya sampai titik batas itu dan aku manjauh dari dunia gelembung yang tercipta aku baru sadar kesepian dan kesenyapan membuat aku trauma... membuat aku tak bisa memaksimalkan akal sehat ku, membuat "dingin" ku kadang2 kambuh. Ketakutan dan perasaan tak nyaman selalu datang. Membuat perasaan tak di inginkan selalu muncul.

Sering dalam sujud malam-malam ku kutanyakan pada pemilik tubuh dan jiwaku apa yang harus aku lakukan. Kemana aku yang dulu yang begitu mandiri dan tak takut apapun.....saat ini dalam setiap perjalanan langkahku aku sedang mencarinya........aku yang dulu.

When We Dance

This is for u my lovely

If she loved you
Like I love you
I would walk away in shame
I'd move town
I'd change my name

When she watches you
When she counts to buy your soul
On your hand his golden rings
Like he owns a bird that sings

When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

The priest has said my soul's salvation
Is in the balance of the angels
And underneath the wheels of passion
I keep the faith in my fashion
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm still in love with you
[I'm gonna find a place to live
Give you all I've got to give]
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

If I could break down these walls
And shout my name at heaven's gate
I'd take these hands
And I'd destroy the dark machineries of fate
Cathedrals are broken
Heaven's no longer above
And hellfire's a promise away
I'd still be saying
I'm still in love

SHe won't love you
Like I love you
SHe won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay

Come and live with me
We'll have children of our own
I would love you more than life
If you'll come and be my wife
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings
When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings

I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you more than life
If you will only be my wife
I'm gonna love you night and day
I'm gonna try in every way

(I had a dream last night
I dreamt you were by my side
Walking with me baby
My heart was filled with pride
I had a dream last night)